Postpartum Rage: Causes, Symptoms & How to Deal with Mom Rage

Postpartum rage, a lesser-discussed aspect of postpartum emotional shifts, mothers who just put to birth feel sudden outbursts of anger, irritability, and frustration. These intense emotions can be startling for new mothers, who might find themselves wondering if their feelings are normal. 

Bringing a new life into the world is a profoundly transformative experience, one that is often portrayed as a time of pure joy and bonding. While this is undoubtedly true for many new parents, postpartum encompasses a range of emotions that go beyond the idyllic scenes often depicted.

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What is Postpartum Rage?

Postpartum Rage is an intense and overwhelming feeling of anger, irritability, and frustration experienced by some new mothers after giving birth. It is a relatively lesser-known aspect of postpartum mood disorders but can have a significant impact on a woman’s well-being and her relationships with others, including her baby and partner.

Postpartum rage can happen as sudden outbursts of anger, frustration, or irritability that may feel disproportionate to the situation. This rage is even directed towards loved ones, partners, or even the newborn baby. These episodes can be distressing for both the person experiencing them and those around them.

Postpartum rage is distinct from other postpartum mood disorders, such as postpartum depression (PPD) and postpartum anxiety (PPA).

How Common is Postpartum Rage?

Nearly 25% of individuals will encounter some form of postpartum mental health issue including postpartum rage.

There is a lack of extensive research focused solely on postpartum rage. It is frequently disregarded or seen as a facet of postpartum depression. Nonetheless, postpartum mental health challenges are relatively prevalent. 

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Causes and Triggers of Postpartum Rage

The exact origins of postpartum rage remain uncertain according to experts. Certain researchers propose that a connection exists between depression and the emergence of rage, with each potentially triggering the other. Studies suggest that a sense of powerlessness in one’s circumstances, coupled with a disparity between the anticipated ideals of motherhood and the actual experience, can play a role in fostering feelings of anger.

Any rage experienced alongside a postpartum mood disorder is not something for which you should blame yourself. Multiple elements beyond your influence might be contributing to these emotions. There are several factors that could elevate your vulnerability to developing postpartum depression (PPD) or postpartum anxiety (PPA), such as:

• Hormonal Changes
• Sleep Deprivation and Fatigue
• Stress and The demands of caring for a newborn
• Personal history, past traumas, and preexisting mental health conditions 
• Relationship Changes
• Unrealistic Expectations about motherhood and parenting
• A previous instance of depression occurring during pregnancy or in the aftermath of childbirth

• Absence of adequate social support
• Undergoing a distressing childbirth experience or having a child with intricate medical requirements

Signs and Symptoms of Postpartum Rage

All these are symptoms of postpartum rage, but not all these occur at the same time or to the same person:

• Intense Anger, Sudden and intense bouts of anger that may seem disproportionate to the situation or trigger.
• Feeling easily annoyed, agitated, or frustrated, often over minor issues.
• Rapid changes in mood from calm to extremely irate without apparent cause.
• Uncontrollable episodes of yelling, shouting, or expressing anger verbally or physically.
• Reduced tolerance for delays or disruptions, leading to impatience in daily tasks.
• Struggling to manage or cope with stressors, which can exacerbate feelings of anger.
• Frequent negative thoughts, such as resentment, guilt, or self-criticism that ends in anger.
• Physical sensations like tension, clenched jaw, increased heart rate, or tightness in the chest during episodes of rage.
• Anger impacting relationships with partners, family, and friends due to conflicts arising from outbursts.
• Avoiding social interactions or withdrawing from others due to fear of losing control of anger.
• Sleep disturbances, either difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or experiencing restless sleep.
• Changes in appetite, like overeating or undereating.
• Disturbing or intrusive thoughts related to anger, harm, or violent impulses.
• Heightened levels of anxiety, often co-occurring with anger episodes.
• Feelings of guilt and shame after anger outbursts, which can further contribute to negative emotions.
• Difficulty finding pleasure in activities that were previously enjoyable.
• Persistent muscle tension, headaches, or body aches due to chronic anger and stress.
• Trouble focusing or concentrating on tasks due to preoccupation with anger or irritability.
• Reduced interest in taking care of oneself, the baby, or the household.
• In extreme cases, thoughts of self-harm or harming others may occur. It’s crucial to seek help if these thoughts arise.

Postpartum Rage Treatment 

The following are very helpful steps to find a way to reduce the effect of postpartum anger:

Involve Your Partner

• Share your feelings and experiences with your partner and involve them in the process of seeking help and treatment. Having their support can be invaluable in your recovery journey.

Support Groups

• Joining a support group for new mothers can provide a sense of community and understanding. Being able to share your experiences and feelings with others who are going through similar challenges can be incredibly validating.

Self-Care

• Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s essential for your well-being and your ability to care for your baby.
• Engaging in activities you enjoy, such as reading, taking walks, or pursuing hobbies, can make a significant difference.
• Prioritize sleep as much as possible. When your baby sleeps, try to rest as well, even if it’s just a short nap.

Healthy Communication

• Be open and honest communication with loved ones. Expressing your emotions can help alleviate stress and prevent anger from building up.
• Encourage partners, family members, and friends to actively listen without judgment when you talk about your feelings.
• Discuss your triggers and boundaries with your support network, so they can understand and provide the help you need.

Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques

• Introduce mindfulness practices to manage intense emotions. Mindfulness involves staying present at the moment without judgment, which can help regulate emotions.
• We Recommend deep breathing exercises to calm the nervous system. Practising meditation and yoga to have emotional balance and relaxation.
• Find a quiet space for a few minutes each day to engage in these practices. Even short sessions can have a positive impact.

Time Management

• Prioritize tasks and recognize that it’s okay to ask for help or delegate responsibilities to lesson your workload.
• Set realistic expectations for what you can achieve in a day. Avoid overloading your schedule, as this can lead to stress and frustration.
• Create a daily routine that includes time for self-care, baby care, and necessary tasks. Flexibility is key, as unexpected challenges can arise.

Professional Support

• Seeking help from mental health professionals is a sign of strength, not weakness.
• If postpartum rage is interfering with your daily life, relationships, or well-being, consider reaching out to a therapist or support group that specializes in postpartum mental health.

How long does postpartum aggression last?

The duration of postpartum aggression can vary widely from person to person. For some individuals, these feelings may only last for a few days or weeks, while for others, they might persist for several months. In most cases, these feelings tend to subside as hormones stabilize and the person adjusts to their new role as a parent.

How can I reduce my risk of postpartum rage?

Reducing the risk of postpartum rage involves a combination of self-care, support, and preparation. While it’s not possible to completely eliminate the risk, taking proactive steps can help manage and minimize the intensity of these feelings. Here are some strategies that may be helpful:

• Taking childbirth and parenting classes help you better understand what to expect during and after childbirth. This knowledge reduces feelings of overwhelm and increases your confidence in your ability to handle the challenges of parenting.
• Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, family, and loved ones who can offer emotional support and practical help when needed. Don’t hesitate to reach out for assistance, whether it’s with household chores, baby care, or just someone to talk to.
• Have open and honest conversations with your partner, friends, and family about your emotions and any concerns you might have. Sharing your feelings can help you feel understood and less isolated.
• Prioritize a healthy lifestyle that includes regular exercise, a balanced diet, and sufficient sleep. These factors can significantly impact your mood and overall well-being.
• Make self-care a priority. Engage in activities you enjoy, whether it’s reading, taking walks, practising mindfulness, or pursuing a hobby. Taking time for yourself can help you recharge and manage stress.
• Create a postpartum plan that outlines how you’ll manage different aspects of your life after the baby arrives. This can include details about childcare, household responsibilities, and self-care activities.
• If you have a history of mental health concerns or if you notice persistent and intense feelings of rage, irritability, or sadness, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. Therapy, counselling, and support groups can provide valuable tools for managing your emotions.
• Try to minimize unnecessary stressors in your life, such as overcommitting to social obligations or taking on too many responsibilities. Focus on what truly matters during this period.

What to do if you don’t feel seen

We get a lot of questions on this, it often comes as “Why does my husband ignore me after having a baby?”

Feeling unseen or ignored by your husband after having a baby can be emotionally challenging. It’s important to address these feelings and communicate with your partner to find ways to reconnect and work through this difficult phase. 

• Find a calm and private moment to talk to your husband. Avoid discussing sensitive issues when you’re both tired or stressed.
• Use “I” statements to express how you’re feeling. For example, say, “I’ve been feeling a bit ignored and isolated lately, and I’d like to talk about it.” This approach avoids blaming and opens the door for a constructive conversation.
• Share specific instances or behaviours that have made you feel ignored. This can help your husband understand your perspective more clearly.
• Give your husband a chance to share his feelings and thoughts as well. It’s possible that he might not be fully aware of how his actions are affecting you.
• Ask your husband about his experiences and challenges since the baby’s arrival. This can help you both gain insight into each other’s perspectives.
• Discuss possible solutions together. Maybe you can schedule regular “check-in” times to talk about your feelings, allocate specific times for each other, or find ways to share baby care responsibilities more evenly.
• If communication becomes difficult, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a therapist or counsellor, to facilitate the conversation and provide guidance.
• Make an effort to spend quality time together, even if it’s just for short periods.
• Acknowledge and appreciate the efforts your husband makes to support you and the baby. 

What do new moms need from their husbands?

• Emotional Support. Be there to listen, validate their feelings, and offer encouragement. Let them know that their emotions are normal and that you’re there to support them.

• Share in the responsibilities of baby care, including feeding, changing diapers, and soothing the baby. This can provide much-needed rest for the new mom and strengthen the bond between you and your baby.
• Help with tasks such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, and grocery shopping to lighten the load for the new mom.
• Men should offer to take care of the baby during the night so that their partner will get some uninterrupted sleep. This can have a positive impact on her well-being.
• Remind the new mom to take breaks and engage in self-care activities. 
• Encourage her to do things she enjoys, whether it’s reading, taking a bath, or spending time with friends.
• Offer physical affection, such as hugs, kisses, and cuddles, to reassure her and strengthen your emotional connection.
• Acknowledge the efforts and challenges your wife is going through. Let her know that you appreciate her hard work and the love she’s giving to your child.
• Ask how she’s feeling, both physically and emotionally, and be willing to listen without judgment.
• Plan special moments together, even if they’re brief, to maintain your relationship.
• Partners should also Learn about postpartum experiences, including physical recovery, emotional changes, and potential challenges.
• Be patient and understanding as you navigate this period together.
• Accompany her to appointments and provide ongoing support always.

Why is my wife always angry after having a baby?

The following questions below have one possible answer;

1. Why do we fight so much after having a baby?
2. Why am I so angry at my husband after having a baby?
3. How do I deal with resentment towards my husband after having a baby?
4. Why do you fight with your husband after having a baby?

The answer is that Postpartum rage or anger is what your wife is experiencing which is okay. There are many things that can cause this. 

But, If you fight a lot with your wife after she gives birth does not necessarily mean she has pospartum rage. It could be from other reasons you both need to settle out.

The hardest time postpartum is often the first few weeks to months after giving birth. This is often the “fourth trimester” and is characterized by significant physical and emotional changes as both the mother and the baby adjust to their new lives.

What is the 5 5 5 rule for postpartum?

The 5-5-5 postpartum rule is a guideline for postpartum emotional well-being:

• 5 Days: Normal mood swings after birth.
• 5 Weeks: an indication that something more than the typical baby blues is occurring. 
• 5 Months: Persistent challenges, require professional help.

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